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[OC] Punt Rank 2020: Week 5 - Brett Kern Appreciation Club, the continued painful existence of Kevin Huber, PUNTERS THROWING TDs and the birth of Air Townsend. All this and the best video highlights of the week...

Welcome back, Punt Fans, to your slightly later than usual but there's no Thursday Night Football so what else are you going to be doing edition of our weekly hunt for the King of Punt – it’s /NFL’s own Punt Rank. If you haven’t been here with me before, the concept is both simple and fantastically over-engineered. Lemme break it down:
Each punter’s performance against five vital punting metrics is ranked against every other punter in the league.
Those rankings are combined into a weighted average ranking – the 2020 NFL Punt Rank.
Punt Heroes rise to the top; Punt Zeros sink to the bottom. Last week’s post and Week 4 standings are available here for the archivists, and all of this week’s stats analysis and highlights and lowlights in video form are just moments away.
As always I’m excited to get your perspectives on your team’s punter, and you can point me to things that I may have missed or overlooked, so please hit me with your feedback and questions in the comments!

Punt Rank Standings

Punt Rank 2020: Week 5 Overall Standings
2020 Week 5: Punt Performance Summary

Good Week for

Brett Kern (TEN, +1 to #3). Eh what do you want to know. If you’re reading this it means you like punting. If you like punting, you know that Brett Kern is a really, really great punter. And, Q.E.D – Brett was demonstrably great against the Bills on (the other) TNF. His three punts this week for the no-longer-significantly-infectious-Titans pinned Josh Allen and his shorts at the 9, 9 and 3 yard lines – covering 86% of Average Available Field which is GOAT tier punting. Here’s the pick of the bunch (his 41 yard precisiobomb corralled at the 3 yard line by Chris Milton) covering 93% of Available Field, and measuring in 7.6 yards better than an average punt from the opposing 44 yard line. Tidy.
In addition to his really really really great punting, the Kerninator also wrangled at least two uttely horrible snaps into decent holds for Gostkowski to continue his kicking renaissance tour, which is a majorly underrated part of the punter job description...
Logan Cooke (JAX, +12 to #13). SPEAKING OF PUNTER HOLDS AND THE EFFECT IT HAS ON KICKERS. Now I’m not saying that Chef had anything to do with the end of Stephen Hauschka’s NFL career on Sunday (0 for 2 within less than two minutes at the end of the first half, not called upon again, then cut PDQ after the weekend), but then I’m not not saying that either. Luckily for Logan (shoot I think I used that joke last week as well) the punting element of his game was without such ugly question marks. 100% of his three punts ended inside the Houston 20 yard line, covering 73%, 83% and 89% of Available Field, sneaking him up to 13th overall. Now let’s see if he can hold onto it. Geddit? Hold?! Pah.

Bad Week for

Kevin Huber (CIN, -8 to #24). On a game where the Bengals only managed the paltry total of 12 first downs (an average of one, yes ONE first down on their 12 offensive drives), K-Hub’s Bad Day was at least somewhat salvaged by the first half holy trinity of Turnover on Downs, INT and Fumble on consecutive drives (2, 3 and 4 – if you’re counting). Without that magical offensive incompetence, he could have been looking at double figure punts (I see you, Tress Way in Washington). As it was, he escaped with just the seven (!), but he takes a slide in the Punt Rank rankings as two of those (admittedly 57 and 60 yard boots) snuck for touchbacks, taking his season touchback percentage total to 26.1% which is second last in the league, just behind Tommy Townsend (more on him later). None of the magnificent seven made it inside the 20, wiping 13% off his season long percentage. However, in Kev’s defence, the first of his two end-zone-botherers this week was another case of coulda woulda shoulda from his coverage team. Alex Erikson heroically made up all the ground to reach the ball as it took a hop into the end zone, but his flailing scoopitty-scoop only managed to floopitty-floop the ball into the wrong side of the pylon.
Bengals bungle.
Football is a game of inches, and those couple cost Kev. And, after last week’s feature in Egregious Touchback of the Week where basically exactly the same thing happened, it’s entirely possible that Kevin Huber is stuck in some kind of awful groundhog day based time loop. That would at least explain this instagram account.
Ty Long (LAC, -5 to #23). Ty Long was the victim of the binary brain of Saints rookie receivereturnerobot automaton Marquez Callaway this week. In Marquez’s awesome little computer mind, he’s going:
IF
punt_catch_loc > 15 THEN SELECT Return_Like_Craycray FROM Return.Options
ELSE Fair_Catch_That_MF
Unfortunately for Ty, six of his seven punts were outside that 15 yard threshold and the big red light on Robot Marquez's head went off like WOO WOO, and he went HAM on bringing those suckers back. 69 (nice) return yards on the day with a long of 19 wiped almost ten yards off Long's Gross Average for the day and left him at just 53% of Average Available Field covered. The Chargers have now leaked 149 return yards for the season which is second worst in the league (behind those irrepressibly awful Jets) and almost three times the league average of 56 through five weeks. Ty will be hoping that they can turn that around before… long. Sorry.

Punt of the week – Week 5

Corey Bojorquez (BUF) continues his wild oscillation between the sublime and the ridiculous. It’s an odd-week so I guess this week it’s Sublime Corey, whose 71 yard scud missile from his own ten yard line in the second quarter of this week’s edition of Tuesday Night Football Bought To You By COVID-19 was an astonishing 28.3 yards longer than my Expected Net Gain model for an average punt from that spot. Look at this baby fly!
Bojorquez booms one.

Punters doin’ shit – Week 5

Hey, it’s Corey Bojorquez again! Guess he can do sublime AND ridiculous in a single week now. It’s Puntception. Corey’s first punt of the day was coming alllll the way back for 6 until he decided to put his face on the line to put an end to Kalif Raymond’s 40 yard return. BLOOF. Look at him putting on his cap all swag afterwards like yeah I blew that dude up
Yeah I think tackling with your head is good form?
But that’s not all for Punters Doin’ Shit in Week 5, oh no. We have a bonus double edition! and I include this clip with great enjoyment but also great sadness. Gentlemen and Gentlemen (just being real here), this week Riley Dixon (NYG) threw a Touchdown pass! For Giants fans reading this is when someone on your team throws the ball into the big painted area at the end of the field and a player (also on your team) catches it. I know this sounds strange and unusual, but it can happen. And it did happen for Riley on this awesome fake field goal toss to Evan Engram, brilliantly narrated by the incomparable Tony Romo in the clip below. Seriously, this call is outstanding…
Nobody look at me, doo doo do, you cant see me... Jim Nantz, don't talK to.. IM OPEN, THROW IT
Unfortunately, the play itself was called back due to a player not lined up on the line of scrimmage and the Giants had to settle for a 50 yard field goal. For Chargers and Jags fans reading, this is when your kicker kicks the ball and it goes between the two big tall standy uppy line things. I know this sounds strange and unusual, but it can happen. No TD for Riley, but we have the memories…

Egregious touchback of the week – Week 5

I might start calling this the Kevin Huber Touchback Memorial Column, after ANOTHER narrow miss by the Bengals coverage left Kev high and dry this week against the Ravens (see Bad Week).
Outside of that shambles, there were only 6 touchbacks on the other 102 punts in Week 5, and most of them were fairly ordinary so there isn’t much egregiousity (not a word but I’m going with it) to discuss. Instead today we’re going to take some time to appreciate Tommy Townsend (KC) who has apparently got some kind of nuclear powered leg and is playing a game called “look how far away I can kick a touchback from”. For those who haven’t been paying close attention, here’s how Tommy’s rookie season has gone so far in touchback terms.
Week 1 – 44 yards, modest.
Week 2 – 55 yards, expressive.
Week 3 – only punted once so gave myself a week off from this.
Week 4 – fucken LOLs this is, how about a 60 AND a 65!
Week 5 – hold my beer…
Oh my god Becky, look at this punt.
67 yards! SIXTY SEVEN! And that’s from the line of scrimmage - that sucker went almost EIGHTY YARDS in the AIR. It bounced at the two and I think the returner just never even saw it. He probably thought it went into orbit or something. Absolutely ludicrous distance and hangtime here from Tommy. And, thus, I think we have our new moniker for the lad: Air Townsend. Which is also funny because it sounds like hair and he has got long hair.
I’m wasted doing this.

Future of Punt Rank: desperate data plea

So part of my data collection for this analysis used to come from the brilliant Pro Football Reference gameplay finder. Which, as of this week, appears to have been absorbed into Stathead. And they’re now charging $8 a month for access to these individual play description tables, which is a massive punt in the balls.
Without this data, I’ve got no way to calculate Average Available Field coverage, no plus/minus performance against the Punt Expected Net Gain, and no data on punts inside the 5 and 10 yard lines – all of which come from that analysis of the individual punt plays. Whilst this data doesn’t feed the actual rankings (which come from free NFL.com data tables), they are all metrics that really help add context to the basic stats, and are things that people reading have commented on in the past and said they found interesting.
So, if anyone knows of anywhere else where I can access and download these play descriptions for each individual punt (without manually sifting the ESPN play by play reports!!), then please please let me know in the comments below. Alternatively if the eight people who read this each wanna chip in a buck a month on an ongoing basis so we can pay Stathead then that’d be cool too.
A sad day for punt stat fans to be sure. Fucken big corporate…
And on that note, all that's left is to say I will see you again next week for a likely more analytically constrained but still enthusiastically trying my bestest edition of Punt Rank.
Yours,
Eyebrows.
submitted by erictaylorseyebrows to nfl [link] [comments]

Hot Tub Hawk And The Pissed Off Colonel

Well! Here we are again. Everyone is sitting around this internet campfire, anxiously awaiting another Hawk story. Some of you are making S'mores. Others have crammed a stick into a hotdog and are now roasting it. I "Cope" with life and have a fat dip in. The only person I don't see is Hawk. Wait. There he is, and he keeps sticking his fingers into the fire to, "make sure it's still hot." I wonder if there is still a need to detail how mentally deficient or completely oblivious Hawk is? I strongly encourage you to read my previous stories if you have not been formally introduced to Hawk. I suspect you will continue to read anyways, so I offer you this: Hawk is the type of guy that gets into a spelling argument with his tattoo artist and walks out proud of his two-inch sized font forehead tattoo that reads "No Regerts."
We were in beautiful Iraq, a charming vacation destination for thousands of Americans. The vacation was all inclusive. The local women dressed like Pac-Man ghosts or ninjas, and countryside smelled like raw sewage and regret. Most of the locals were very hospitable, but some of the locals had a very strong desire to shout, "Praise Allah" while simultaneously trying to kill us. I am not bothered by much. Every human is entitled to their beliefs. We are also entitled to our own opinions. For example, I don't personally feel "man-dresses" and flip-flops are suitable combat attire, but who am I too judge? The only time I have an issue with people is when they are actively trying to kill me. I don't know why, but it really pisses me off. That and grape jelly.
We worked out of two different locations during this deployment. The majority of my Battalion worked out of a medium-sized Forward Operating Base (FOB), but we also operated out of a smaller FOB. We typically stayed at this other location for about ten days, and would rotate with another Platoon. The location was not horrible, but I personally hated the transient lifestyle. We lived out of our ruck-sacks, and had to find ways to occupy our time when we were not conducting raids or other missions. We didn't have the luxuries we had at "home." There were no gaming systems or large televisions. We simply had find ways to occupy ourselves.
Football was the game of choice for a couple weeks, then it got blacklisted. It had nothing to do with the ball being pigskin either. It was mostly due to poor mission analysis. Football was one of the few things we could all do and actually enjoyed, until it was too dark to play. We had a brilliant and genius idea. We fucking "own the night" with our Night Vision Goggle (NVGs), so why don't we rent it for a couple hours to finish the game? Game on Garth! We thought of everything. We drenched that infidel ball in Infrared (IR) chemlight (Glow Stick) juice. The depth perception problem was immediately evident. House took a fucking laser beam pass to the to the face. Two black eyes builds character though.
We can work through it though. His NVGs were still Fully Mission Capable (FMC), and we all realized that we needed to be a bit quicker. The fourth play from scrimmage was undoubtedly the best, and worst football play in the history of Iraq football. Fuck punting. We were going for it. It would have been easy to confuse Tony, our quarterback for Michael Vick from the shotgun. Tony was a Michael Vick with NVGs, and without the dog fighting felony. Tony evaded numerous rushers and then superbly delivered a fifty yard completion to Ryan. It was beautiful to watch, until it wasn't. NVG's are great, but they don't offer the same Field of View (FOV) your eye-nuggets offer. Ryan thought he was all alone and started a leisurely stroll to the end-zone. The he got fucking nuked from the top and bottom, in fucking reverse directions. Sure, Ryan broke a finger and required "some" stitches. Oh and they broke three sets of NVGs in one play, but damn that was a glorious fucking hit. It was first-and-ten, but our Platoon Sergeant was less than happy. Game off Wayne!
We were now bored again. There was another unit on the FOB with us, but they were not fans of us. The only real interaction we had was when their full-bird Colonel told us to, "stay the fuck away from his Soldiers." I don't know if one of the other Platoons ruined it for us, but the guy was just a complete prick to us.
We did our best to keep our reverse schedule, but it was just so boring during the evenings we were not working. The majority of us resorted to playing Spades or Echure, and others read. Hawk and a handful of others would take nightly showers and then seemed to vanish. "Knowledge is power" and I knew Hawk was utterly powerless. I knew better than to ever let that retarded bird spread his wings and fly solo. I didn't see any reason to worry though. The other people Hawk was with were far smarter than Hawk woud ever be. Furthermore, with football now off the table, there was really no way for anyone to get in trouble at this FOB.
Imagine Hawk in a cattle chute. If I put a box labeled "commonsense" on the opposite end, Hawk would never fucking find it. In a place he literally has no option but to find it, he would NOT FIND IT. EVER. However, if I had a box labeled "worst decision ever" and dropped it in the ocean, Hawk would fucking somehow stumble upon the lost city of Atlantis. I had never really got my ass chewed before I became Hawk's leader, but that trend went out the window when I inherited him.
We lived on the second floor, and my bunk was closest to the door that rotation. Thankfully too. I was woken up when I heard, "I want to talk to one of your leaders." I didn't know "who" was in trouble, but I had Hawk so I knew it was best to simply put my shoes on and assume I was in trouble by proxy. I didn't even wait to see if I would get to sit on the Green Army Weenie, I just spit in my hand and readied my o-ring for maximal insertion. It was too early for the sun to even be out, and I was already willingly walking to my execution. My how things had changed so quickly.
I walk outside and I see five Soldiers, one Hawk, and a fucking pissed of Colonel (COL).
COL: Are you their leader?
OP: I am one of them. How can I help you Sir?
COL: Do you know where I caught them?
This is where I would typically say something stupid, but this guy didn't look happy, and I didn't want to give him a reason to wake up someone who "may" have gave a shit as to why he was irate.
OP: No Sir. I don't.
COL: Above MY SHOWER?
I was now pissed. There was a large shower tent in the middle of large open courtyard. One half was male and the other was female. These fucking morons were spying on naked females? I want to kill them for listening to Hawk. Well, I assumed it was a Hawk idea. Like Hawk's brain, I was putting the cart before the horse. I assume it was Hawk, but I had questions.
OP: How in the fuck did you guys get on top the shower tent?
I was working myself into a frenzy. My brain does not operate like normal people brains. I was pretty pissed considering they violated the privacy of the beautiful ladies at the FOB, but I was actually more pissed they got on top of a fucking tent. They seemingly forgot everything about military tactics and got caught; that was the foremost reason for my anger. The spying on deployment 1's (binary thingy) was second. Considerably a far worse offense, but second at the point in time.
COL: NO. Not the shower tent. On my personal shower.
What? This guy was so special, he had a personal shower. What, he was too good to use the pallet floored showers like the rest of us? So maybe the Romanians (We think anyways) occasionally shit on the pallets and waffle-stomped the poop through the pallets, but the water pressure was phenomenal.
OP: You have a personal shower Sir, and they were on top?
COL: YES. I caught them in my water tank.
Well, back to being puzzled. I don't judge. I personally don't care if penis gazing is your hobby, but there are five of you? Why don't you just unleash your hogs and stare at each others? Anyways, how in the fuck did they all fit into the water tank? What the fuck did they do when they got inside? My god, my brain was running wild with unsightly pictures.
OP: My apologies Sir, but how did they all fit into your water tank?
COL: Come with my Sergeant; so you understand what I am talking about.
OP: You mother fuckers can wait for me in, the front-leaning-rest (Push-up position).
I still wasn't certain I entirely cared, but I thought this would may demonstrate that I showed concern about his fucking one-person shower. COL Prick then lead me around the side of the building and showed me his water tank. It was fucking huge. It was one of the typical hard plastic tanks, but the entire top had been cut off. God knows why, not like it was ever dusty in Iraq, but the top was no-more. It all made sense now. They weren't gay; they were chilling in a makeshift hot tub! Well, the gayness thing is up in the air, but I guess they were too loud while he was showering!?! I apologized profusely, but COL Prick had me locked up at the position of attention for at least ten minutes just dressing me down. I was a "really poor leader, and you're not going to go anywhere in the Army." Jokes on him, they haven't kicked me out yet.
COL: This is why nobody likes "cool guys." Words, words, words. You'd better do something about this, words, words, words. My penis is too small to shower with the big boys, words, words, words. NOW GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY SIGHT.
I returned to the Soldiers, whom were still all in the front-leaning-rest. I screamed, "GET ON THE OTHER SIDE OF THE BUILDING. I DON'T WANT TO GO TO JAIL AFTER PEOPLE SEE ME SMOKE THE FUCKING LIFE FROM YOUR BODY. NOW FUCKING RUN." They fucking scurry, and I stroll to the other side of the building. Out of sight and out of mind.
(I will use "Group" unless Hawk is the person talking. Too many useless names otherwise.)
OP: That fucking dickhead has his own fucking shower! What the fuck?
GROUP: I know right?
OP: What the fuck were you guys thinking? I would expect this from at least one of you, but I won't point elbows. (I then just fucking stare at Hawk.)
GROUP: We didn't think anyone used it. We had never seen anyone go into the room, and the room looked empty. We saw the water tank on top, and just figured we would check it out.
OP: How the fuck did you even get up there?
GROUP: You can walk to it if you exit any second floor window on our building. Well, the courtyard side.
OP: So you guys just sneak out and hang out in this guys shower water?
GROUP: Yes, but we seriously thought nobody used it. We would not have used it otherwise.
OP:You fucking dip-shits think this was just a randomly placed unused water tank? You fucking idiots just stand in this guys shower water for hours?
HAWK: No. We are not dumb Sergeant. We sit on MRE (Meal Ready to Eat) boxes.
OP: HOW LONG HAS THIS BEEN GOING ON?
GROUP: (LaughteGiggles) Every night!?!
OP: We have been here for five days now! NO FUCKING MORE! I will fucking kill you if I get yelled at again over this. The only thing that makes me smile is the fact that he is showering with your ball funk.
Hawk: I have some excellent news then Sergeant
OP: Really? Whats Hawk?
Hawk: (Smirk) We made a promise that, "nobody pisses in the hot tub"...
OP: This is why your mother should have swallowed you Hawk. Why the fuck would that make me happy?
Hawk: (Laughing) Because I broke that rule every night. Most nights more than once!
GROUP: What the fuck Hawk! We have been lounging in your piss? What the fuck dude!
Hawk: I know. (Smiles.) I lied to you though! Cheer up Sergeant. I peed on him for you!
For the record, Hawk did not find the hot tub. He just peed in it, a lot. I don't think any of us paid attention because they came back from wet and with towels. I merely assumed they went to the showers. I suppose I should have kept better track of time. Also, I apologize if this was not as funny as the other Hawk tales. I realized it when I reread it, but it was certainly funny being on-the-ground and witnessing it. Can't laugh at them all I suppose. Remember, next week, "Hawk Walks Home: In Iraq." I don't think it is feasibly possible to not make that one funny. Lastly, some of my stories are a result of me being in the military, but not military. Those stories and others will/are posted at FuckeryUniveristy. I am not ever going to compete with this page, but I do need a place to post other stories and have little fear they will be taken down. The mod may be a huge prick, but at least I know the guy. Man...huge prick!
Cheers!
submitted by SloppyEyeScream to MilitaryStories [link] [comments]

The 2020 Wreddit Census RESULTS!

Hey everyone!
We are excited to share the results of the 2020 Wreddit Census. 8,837 users took the time to submit their answers and we have been able to find some interesting statistics. Thank you to those who took the time to submit your response.
If you want to use the data yourself to draw your own findings or analysis, here is a link to the data as promised. There are some tabs on the bottom that look at specific factors that we found interesting.

1. Demographics

Gender
Gender 2020 2019 Change +/- Percent Change
Male 90.9% 91.4% -0.5% 0.54% decrease
Female 6.0% 6.3% -0.3% 4.7% decrease
Non-Binary 2% 1.5% +0.5% 33.3% increase
Prefer not to Say 0.7 0.6% +0.1% 16.6% increase
Ethnicity
Ethnicity 2020 2019 Change +/-
White 78.6% N/A N/A
Hispanic/Latino 9.9% N/A N/A
Asian 7.4% N/A N/A
Black/African-American 4.7% N/A N/A
Middle Eastern/North African 1.3% N/A N/A
American Indian or Alaskan Native 1.2% N/A N/A
Native Hawaiian or Other Pacific Islander 0.4% N/A N/A
Other 1.9% N/A N/A
Prefer not to say 1% N/A N/A
Age
Average Age 2020 2019 Change +/-
Age 28.9 N/A N/A
The vast majority of users are in their late 20s and 30s.
Residence

Country do you reside in?

Country 2020 2019 Change +/- Percent Change
United States 59.9% 60.9% -1.0% 1.64% decrease
UK 13.8% 13.2% +0.6% 4.5% increase
Canada 7% 6.7% +0.3% 4.47% increase
Australia 3.7% 4.2% -0.5% 11.9% decrease
Note: all other countries under 2%
Living Situation (for users 25 and older)
Household 2020 2019 Change +/- Percent Change
Married and live with my spouse 28% N/A N/A N/A
I live alone 20% N/A N/A N/A
I am not married but I live with a significant other 18% N/A N/A N/A
I live with my parents 16% N/A N/A N/A
I live with Roommates 13% N/A N/A N/A
I live in a multigenerational setting 5% N/A N/A N/A
NOTE: We have a large number of teens and early 20 year olds on this sub. As a result, we felt it was best to eliminate everyone under the age of 25 for this measure as it would skew the data heavily due to the number of kids and college students.
Income Level USD (for non-married and non-living with significant other) (for users 25 and older)
Income 2020 2019 Change +/- Percent Change
Income $49,850/year N/A N/A N/A
NOTE: We have a large number of teens and early 20 year olds on this sub. As a result, we felt it was best to eliminate everyone under the age of 25 for this measure as it would skew the data heavily due to the number of kids and college students.

2. Watching Habits

How long have you watched wrestling?
Years 2020 2019 Change +/- Percent Change
Years 17 years N/A N/A N/A
What Cable TV/Streaming Services that you have?
Service 2020 2019 Change +/- Percent Change
Netflix 72.3% 84.4% -12.1 14.3% decrease
Amazon Prime 56.5% 57.4% -0.9 1.5% decrease
Disney Plus 39.5% N/A N/A N/A
Paid TV service 32.1% 45% -12.9 28.6% decrease
Hulu 34.1% 41% -6.9 16.8% decrease
HBO Max 13.8% N/A N/A N/A
none 10% N/A N/A N/A
Youtube TV 7.1% N/A N/A N/A
Sling TV 3.8% N/A N/A N/A
Hours of wrestling watched each week
Hours per Week 2020 2019 Change +/- Percent Change
Hours 4.06 N/A N/A N/A
Do you regularly watch Monday Night Raw?
Response 2020 2019 Change +/- Percent Change
No, I don't watch Raw regularly, but I do try to keep up with storylines and news 54.3% 49.3% +5 10.1% increase
No. I don't watch or follow Raw 17.5% 8.9% +8.6 96.6% increase
Yes I watch it weekly 16.1% 27.8% -11.7 42.08% decrease
Yes I occasionally watch it 12% 13.9% -1.9 13.6% decrease
How do you watch Raw (This question was ONLY asked of the respondents that said they watched Raw in some capacity)
Response 2020 2019 Change +/- Percent Change
I watch it LIVE through my cable TV provider 33.9% 45.6% -11.7 25.65% decrease
Through an unpaid stream or video website 22.9% 24.6% -1.7 6.9% decrease
I watch it LATER through DVR or OnDemand with my cable TV provider 13.9% N/A N/A N/A
I watch it LIVE through a stand alone paid streaming service (like Sling TV or Youtube TV) 12% N/A N/A N/A
I watch it LATER on DVR or OnDemand through a stand alone paid streaming service (like Sling TV or Youtube TV) 8% N/A N/A N/A
I only watch highlights, clips, or "streamables" 5.1% N/A N/A N/A
I watch it some other way not listed here 3.5% 16.6% -13.1% N/A
I wait a month and watch it on the WWE Network 0.7% 0.3% +0.4 133% increase
Note: More options were added this year, so the comparisons to 2019 may be flawed
Do you regularly watch Smackdown?
Response 2020 2019 Change +/- Percent Change
No, I don't watch Smackdown regularly, but I do try to keep up with storylines and news 53.1% 41.5% +11.6 27.9% increase
No. I don't watch or follow Smackdown 18.6% 8.3% +10.3 124.1% increase
Yes I watch it weekly 14.3% 31% -16.7 53.9% decrease
Yes I occasionally watch it 14% 19.2% -5.2 27.1% decrease
How do you watch Smackdown? (This question was ONLY asked of the respondents that said they watched Smackdown in some capacity)
Response 2020 2019 Change +/- Percent Change
I watch it LIVE through my cable TV provider 35.3% 42.5% -7.2 16.9% decrease
Through an unpaid stream or video website 22.2% 25.8% -5.6 21.7% decrease
I watch it LATER through DVR or OnDemand with my cable TV provider 15.1% N/A N/A N/A
I watch it LIVE through a stand alone paid streaming service (like Sling TV or Youtube TV) 8.8% N/A N/A N/A
I watch it LATER on DVR or OnDemand through a stand alone paid streaming service (like Sling TV or Youtube TV) 7.8% N/A N/A N/A
I only watch highlights, clips, or "streamables" 5.7% N/A N/A N/A
I watch it some other way not listed here 4.3% 18.1 -13.7 75.7% decrease
I wait a month and watch it on the WWE Network 0.8% 0.3% +0.5 166.6% increase
Note: More options were added this year, so the comparisons to 2019 may be flawed
Do you regularly watch WWE Main Roster PPVs?
Response 2020 2019 Change +/- Percent Change
Yes I regularly watch them live 27% 44% -17 38.6% decrease
Yes I sometimes watch them live but sometimes I watch them later 23.7% 24.7% -1 4% decrease
Yes but I watch them later, not live 12.8% 12.1% +0.7 5.8% increase
No I do not watch them regularly but I try to keep up with storylines 25.3% 15% +10.3 68.7% increase
No I do not watch them regularly 11.1% 4.2% 6.9 164.3% increase
How do you watch WWE Main Roster PPVs? (This question was ONLY asked of the respondents that said they watched Main Roster PPVs in some capacity)
Response 2020 2019 Change +/- Percent Change
Through their personal WWE Network streaming service 62.2% 69% -6.8 9.9% decrease
Through an unpaid stream 21.2% 15.5% +5.7% 36.8% increase
Through a friend’s WWE Network streaming service 9.1% 8.6% +0.5% 5.8% increase
I only watch highlights, clips, or "streamables" 2.2% N/A N/A N/A
I watch is some other way not listed here 2% N/A N/A N/A
I watch it through my cable provider 1.7% N/A N/A N/A
I live in a country that doesn't have the WWE Network streaming accounts, but I have one through a VPN or other loophole 0.6% N/A N/A N/A
Do you regularly watch the NXT weekly TV (non-UK)?
Response 2020 2019 Change +/- Percent Change
No. I don't watch NXT regularly, but I do keep up with news and storylines 42.9% 35% +7.9 22.6% increase
No. I don't watch or follow NXT 19% 25.1% -6.1 24.3% decrease
Yes, but I watch it later. Not as it airs 18.7% 17.6% +1.1 6.3% increase
Yes I occasionally watch it as it airs, but sometimes I watch it later 10.5% 13.2% -2.7 20.5 decrease
Yes I regularly watch it every week as it airs 8.8% 9.2% -0.4 4.3% decrease
How do you watch NXT weekly TV (This is ONLY asked of respondents that say they watched NXT Weekly TV in some capacity)
Response 2020 2019 Change +/- Percent Change
I watch it through an unpaid stream or video website 22.3% 11.1% +11.2 101% increase
I wait and watch it when it's available on the WWE network 20.1% 72% -51.9 72.1% decrease
I watch it LIVE through my cable TV provider 19% N/A N/A N/A
I watch it LATER through DVR or OnDemand with my cable TV provider 13.6% N/A N/A N/A
I watch it LATER through a stand alone paid streaming service (like Sling TV or Youtube TV) 9.1% N/A N/A N/A
I watch it LIVE through a stand alone paid streaming service (like Sling TV or Youtube TV) 8% N/A N/A N/A
I only watch highlights, clips, or "streamables" 4.4% N/A N/A N/A
I watch is some other way not listed here 3.6% N/A N/A N/A
Do you regularly watch NXT UK?
Response 2020 2019 Change +/- Percent Change
No. I don't watch or follow NXT UK 73.4% 60.6% +12.8 21.1% increase
No. I don't watch NXT UK regularly, but I do keep up with news and storylines 21.6% 26.6% +5.0 18.8% increase
Yes, but I watch it later. Not as it airs 3.2% 7.1% *-3.9% 55% decrease
Yes I occasionally watch it as it airs, but sometimes I watch it later 1.2% 3.4% -2.2 64.7% decrease
Yes I regularly watch it every week as it airs 0.7% 2.3% -1.6 69.6% decrease
How do you watch NXT UK? (ONLY asked of people that say they watch NXT UK)
Response 2020 2019 Change +/- Percent Change
watch using their WWE Networks streaming service 68.6% 78.8% -10.2 12.9% decrease
use unpaid streaming 11.4% 8.8% +2.6 29.5% increase
Through my cable/TV provider (some countries have NXT UK air on their cable package) 8% 1.1% +6.9 627.3% increase
I only watch highlights, clips, or "streamables" 4.9% N/A N/A N/A
use another friend’s WWE network account 4.2% 6.5% -2.3 35.4% decrease
I watch it some other way not listed here 2.9% 3.6% -0.7 19.4% decrease
Do you regularly watch NXT Takeovers?
Response 2020 2019 Change +/- Percent Change
Yes, I regularly watch them live 28.8% 44.2% -15.4 34.8% decrease
No I don’t watch them regularly but I keep up with storylines 20.2% 9.4% +10.8 114.9% increase
Yes, I occasionally watch them live but sometimes I watch them later 19.1% 20.1% -1.0 5% decrease
Yes, but I watch them later 16.6% 14.8% +1.8 12.2% increase
No I don’t watch them regularly 15.2% 11.5% +3.7 32.2% increase
When you watch NXT Takeovers, how do you watch them? (ONLY asked to people that said they watched NXT Takeover)
Response 2020 2019 Change +/- Percent Change
Through their personal WWE Network streaming service 60% 68.7% -8.7 12.7% decrease
Through an unpaid stream 23% 15.9% +7.1 44.7% increase
Through a friend’s WWE Network streaming service 9.4% 9.1% +0.3 3.3% increase
I watch is some other way not listed here 3.3% 3.3% No Change No Change
I only watch highlights, clips, or "streamables" 2.8% N/A N/A N/A
I watch it through my cable provider 1.1% 1.0% +0.1 10% increase
I live in a country that doesn't have the WWE Network streaming accounts, but I have one through a VPN or other loophole 0.5% 0.6% -0.1 16.7% decrease
Do you regularly watch 205 Live?
Response 2020 2019 Change +/- Percent Change
No. I don't watch or follow 205 Live 81.5% 67.7% +13.8 20.4% increase
No. I don't watch 205 Live regularly, but I do keep up with news and storylines 14.9% 22.7% -7.8 34.4% decrease
Yes, but I watch it later. Not as it airs 2.1% 4.9% -2.8 57.1% decrease
Yes I occasionally watch it as it airs, but sometimes I watch it later 0.9% 3% -2.1 70% decrease
Yes I regularly watch it every week as it airs 0.7% 1.7% -1.0 58.8% decrease
When you watch 205 Live, how do you watch it? (ONLY asked for people that said they watched 205 Live)
Response 2020 2019 Change +/- Percent Change
watch using their WWE Networks streaming service 73.7% 74.7% -1.0 1.3% decrease
use unpaid streaming service 11.3% 10.7% +0.6 5.6% increase
use another friend’s WWE network account 5.3% 5.5% -0.2 3.6% decrease
I only watch highlights, clips, or "streamables" 5% N/A N/A N/A
I watch is some other way not listed here 3.8% 4.9% -1.1 22.4% decrease
Through my cable/TV provider (some countries have NXT UK air on their cable package) 0.9% N/A N/A N/A
Do you regularly watch AEW Dynamite?
Response 2020 2019 Change +/- Percent Change
Yes. I regularly watch it every week as it airs 28% N/A N/A N/A
No. I don't watch them regularly, but I do keep up with storylines and news 27.6% N/A N/A N/A
Yes. I occasionally watch them as they air, but sometimes I watch them later 16.2% N/A N/A N/A
Yes. but I watch them later, not as they are airing. 16.2% N/A N/A N/A
No I don't watch or follow AEW Dynamite 12% N/A N/A N/A
When you watch AEW Dynamite, how do you usually watch it? (ONLY asked for people that said they watched Dynamite)
Response 2020 2019 Change +/- Percent Change
I watch it LIVE through my TV provider 28.1% N/A N/A N/A
I watch it through an unpaid stream *25.6% N/A N/A N/A
I watch it LIVE through a stand alone paid streaming service (Like AEW Plus or Sling TV) 20.4% N/A N/A N/A
I watch it LATER via DVR or OnDemand through my TV provider 10.7% N/A N/A N/A
I watch it LATER via DVR or OnDemand though a paid streaming service (Like AEW Plus or Sling TV) 8.3% N/A N/A N/A
I watch it some other way not listed here 3.6% N/A N/A N/A
I only watch highlights, clip, and "streamables" 3.3 N/A N/A N/A
Do you regularly watch AEW PPVs?
Response 2020 2019 Change +/- Percent Change
Yes, I regularly watch them live 31.6% N/A N/A N/A
No I don’t watch them regularly but I keep up with storylines 24.1% N/A N/A N/A
Yes, but I watch them later 15.7% N/A N/A N/A
No I don’t watch them regularly 14.6% N/A N/A N/A
Yes, I occasionally watch them live but sometimes I watch them later 14% N/A N/A N/A
When you watch AEW PPVs, how do you usually watch it? (ONLY asked for people that said they watched AEW PPVs)
Response 2020 2019 Change +/- Percent Change
I watch through an unpaid stream 43.4% N/A N/A N/A
I pay for the PPVs through BR Live 21.7% N/A N/A N/A
I pay for the PPVs through FITE TV 17.3% N/A N/A N/A
I pay for the PPVs through my cable provider 6.4% N/A N/A N/A
I watch it some other way not listed here 6.4% N/A N/A N/A
I only watch highlights, clips, and "streamables 4.8% N/A N/A N/A
Do you regularly watch New Japan Pro Wrestling?
Response 2020 2019 Change +/- Percent Change
No, I do not watch them regularly 39.1% 39.6% -0.5 1.3% decrease
No, I don’t watch them regularly, but I keep up with storylines and news 27.7% 29.8% -2.1 7% decrease
Yes, but I watch them later, not as they’re airing 15.9% 13.9% +2.0 14.4% increase
Yes, I occasionally watch them live, but I usually watch them later 11.5% 11.8% -0.3 2.5% decrease
Yes, I regularly watch NJPW shows live. 5.8% 4.9% +0.9 18.4% increase
When you watch NJPW, how do you usually watch it (ONLY asked to the people that said they watched NJPW)
Response 2020 2019 Change +/- Percent Change
Through their personally NJPWWorld subscription. 55.4% 48.1% +7.3 15.2% increase
Through an unpaid stream 27.1% 27.1% No Change No Change
I only watch highlights, clips, or "Streamables" 5.8% N/A N/A N/A
I use a friend's NJPW World Streaming Service subscription 5.7% N/A N/A N/A
I watch it some other way not listed here. 3.2% 7.8% -4.6 59% decrease
I watch LIVE shows through my cable provider IN JAPAN 0.3 N/A N/A N/A
Do you regularly watch Ring of Honor weekly TV?
Response 2020 2019 Change +/- Percent Change
No. I don't watch or follow Ring of Honor 84.6% 74.2% +10.4 14% increase
No. I don't watch Ring of Honor TV regularly, but I do keep up with storylines and news. 12.1% 20.5% -8.4 41% decrease
I occasionally watch it 2.7% 4.1% -1.4 34.1% decrease
I regularly watch it. 0.6% 1.2% -0.6 50% decrease
How do you watch Ring of Honor? (ONLY asked to the people that said they regularly watch it)
Response 2020 2019 Change +/- Percent Change
Through my TV provider 42.1% 33.7% +8.4 24.9% increase
Through Fite.tv 16.8% 22.6% -5.8 25.7% decrease
On the ROH website 13% 15.7% -2.7 17.2% decrease
through an illegal stream 10.3% 12.4% -2.1 16.9% decrease
Some other way not listed 6.5% 12.9% -6.4 50% decrease
Through my cable TV provider's legitimate stream 5.8% 2.7% +3.1 114.8% increase
I only watch highlights, clips, or "streamables" 5.5% N/A N/A N/A
Do you regularly watch Impact Wrestling?
Response 2020 2019 Change +/- Percent Change
No I do not regularly follow it 71.7% 68.6% +3.1 4.5% increase
No I do not regualrly follow it, but I keep up with news and storylines. 20.4% 22.2% -1.8 8.1% decrease
Yes I occasionally watch it 5.7% 6.8% -1.1 16.2% decrease
Yes I watch it weekly. 2.3% 2.3% no change no change
How do you watch Impact Wrestling?
Response 2020 2019 Change +/- Percent Change
I watch it on Twitch 37% 49.9% -12.9 25.9% decrease
Through cable provider 29.2% 20.4% +8.8 43.1% increase
through an illegal stream 14.1% 14.2% -0.1 0.7% decrease
some other way listed 7.8% 13.4% -5.6 41.8% decrease
I only watch highlights, clips or "Streamables" 6% N/A N/A N/A
Through my cable provider's legitimate stream 5.8% 2% +3.8 190% increase
Top TEN Most Watched Wrestling Promotions/Shows
Rank Promotion/Show 2019 Rank Rank Change +/- % of users watching 2020 % of users watching 2019
#1 AEW Dynamite N/A N/A 64% N/A
#2 NXT #3 +1 46.1% 56%
#3 WWE Monday Night Raw #2 -1 40.3% 61.8%
#4 WWE Smackdown Live #1 -3 38.4% 66.4%
#5 New Japan Pro Wrestling #4 -1 30.4% 32.3%
#6 AEW Dark N/A N/A 28.7% N/A
#7 NWA Powerrrr N/A N/A 8.9% N/A
#8 Impact #8 no change 7.5% 8.6
#9 STARDOM #12 +3 5.6% 4.4%
#10 Game Changer Wrestling #29 +19 4.8% 0.6%
Note: 10.8% selected NONE

3. Online Habits

Is Wreddit your most frequent source of news related to wrestling?
  • 85.6% YES
  • 14.4% No
Where do you go for wrestling news? (asked of people that DON’T have Wreddit as their #1 source)
  • 32.8% - A news site that focuses exclusively on wrestling news
  • 23.5% - Twitter
  • 17.2% - A paid subscriber newsletter
  • 8.3% - Another user-based wrestling forum
  • 3.8% - A more general sports-based news site
  • 2.2% - Facebook
  • 2% - Chat Applications like Discord or Skype
  • 1.9% - /woo/ or other imageboard
  • 1.6% - Instagram
If you didn’t use Wreddit for your news, where do you think you would go? (asked of people that DO have Wreddit as their #1 news source)
  • 32% - Twitter
  • 25.3% - a news site that focuses exclusively on wrestling
  • 14.5% - I wouldn't go out of my way to look up wrestling news
  • 7.1% - a paid subscriber newsletter
  • 7% - Another user-based wrestling forum
  • 3.6% - A more general sports-based news site
  • 3.4% - Instagram
  • 2.8% - Facebook
  • 2.6% /woo/ or other imageboard
  • 1.8% Chat applications like Discord or Skype
Are you a Subscriber to Dave Meltzer’s Wrestling Observer Newsletter?
Responses 2020 2019 Change +/-
No, I’m not interested in subscribing 65.4% 65.4% No Change
No, but I might subscribe in the future 17.9% 20.1% +2.2
No, but I have subscribed before 7.4% 6.6% +0.8
Yes I’m a regular subscriber 4.9% 5.2% -0.3
No, I don't know what that is 3.8% 1.9 +1.9
Yes, but I’m a fairly new subscriber 0.5% 0.8% -0.3
News sites visited regularly
  • 56% - NONE
  • 17.1% - F4WOnline
  • 16.6% PWInsider
  • 9.6% Fightful
  • 9.1% 411Mania
  • 7.9% WrestlingInc
  • 7% WrestleZone
  • 6.8% Ringside News
  • 6.6% ProWrestling Sheet
  • 6% PWTorch
  • 5% ProWrestling.Net
  • 3.1% SEScoops

4. Subscription Services

Which Streaming subscription services do you pay for?
Streaming Service 2020 2019 Change +/- Percent Change
WWE Network 46.3% 64% -17.7 27.7% decrease
NONE 38.4% 26.3% +12.1 46% increase
NJPWWorld 19.9% 19.4% +0.5 2.6% increase
AEW Plus 5.9% N/A N/A N/A
Fite Network 2.6% 2.1% +0.5 23.8% increase
IWTV 2.4% 0.1% +2.3 2300% increase
StardomWorld 2% 2.2% -0.2 9% increase
Everything else is less than 2%.
Which WWE Network programming do you watch regularly? (only asked of respondents with a WWE Network subscription)
Programming 2020
Live or recent PPVs 87%
Old PPVs 65%
24 documentary series 56%
NXT 54%
Undertaker: The Last Ride 40%
Old WCW PPVs 37%
Old ECW PPVs 34%
Table for 3 32%
WWE 365 32%
Steve Austin's Broken Skull Sessions 30%
RAW/SD episodes (classic or recent) 29%
Ridealong 21%
WWE Ruthless Aggression 21%
Chronicle 21%
WCW Nitro 21%
Monday Night War 20%
Edge & Christian Show 19%
Breaking Ground13% WWE Untold|12% WWE: The Day Of|12% NXT UK|10% The Best of WWE|9% World's Collide|8% UUDD Plays|7% WWE Story Time|7% WWE Photoshoot|7%
In the last year, have you paid for a non-AEW PPV, iPPV, or other non-subscription based show?
Responses 2020 2019 Change +/-
NO 86.9% N/A N/A
YES 13.1% N/A N/A
Do you plan to purchase ANY PPV or iPPV non-subscription based show within the next year?
Responses 2020 2019 Change +/-
NO 58.3% 57.2% +1.1
YES 41.7% 42.8% -1.1
You said you have no plans to purchase an upcoming non-subscription based PPV. Do you have plans to take advantage of an unpaid stream of one? (This was ONLY asked to the people that said they have no interest in purchasing a PPV in the next year)
Responses 2020 2019 Change +/-
NO 50.8% 55.1% -4.3
YES 49.2% 44.9% +4.3
Do you listen to Podcasts?
Responses 2020 2019 Change +/-
YES 64.9% 67% -2.1
NO 35.1% 33% +2.1
Top 10 Podcasts
  • 1- Talk is Jericho - 42%
  • 2- AEW Unrestricted - 25.2%
  • 3 - Cultaholic - 20.3%
  • 4 - The Steve Austin Show - 19%
  • 5 - The New Day: Feel the Power - 16.4%
  • 6 - Edge and CHristian's Pod of Awesomeness - 16.2%
  • 7 - Wrestling with Wregret - 16.2%
  • 8 - Wrestling Observer Radio - 16.2%
  • 9 - Jim Cornette Experience - 15.2%
  • 10 - Byan and Vinny - 14.3%
Note: 12.5% of respondents pay for extra content on Patreon for at least one podcast

5. Spending Habits

How much do you spend on Merch in a year?
  • Average annual spend on merch: $51.84
Have you attended a wrestling show in the last 12 months?
  • 35.2% Yes
  • 64.8% No
Note: average number of shows attended per year is 3 (for those who have attended at least 1)

6. Bonus Round

Who is your favorite wrestler?
Ranking Wrestler Votes
1 Kenny Omega 695
2 Orange Cassidy 558
3 Adam Page 488
4 Keith Lee 357
5 AJ Styles 351
6 Jon Moxley 345
7 Chris Jericho 338
8 Asuka 291
9 Daniel Bryan 284
10 Bray Wyatt 208
11 Adam Cole 205
12 Kazuchika Okada 193
13 Drew McIntyre 163
14 Kevin Owens 157
15 Seth Rollins 153
16 Aleister Black 139
17 Hiromu Takahashi 138
18 Tetsuya Naito 127
19 Sasha Banks 121
20 Io Shirai 92
Full list of /SquaredCircle's favorite wrestlers here
When you watch wrestling, who do you watch it with? Select all that apply.
Response 2020
I regularly watch wrestling alone 68%
I regularly watch wrestling alone, but discuss it live with others on a chat application or forum 32%
I regularly watch wrestling with a friend or group of friends in-person 21%
I regularly watch wrestling with a sibling (or siblings) 7%
I regularly watch wrestling with a parent(s) or guardian(s) 5%
I regularly watch wrestling with my child (or children) 4%
I regularly watch wrestling with other family members 10%
I watch wrestling with my dog (or cat) 17%
How have your viewing habits changed due to/during the Coronavirus pandemic? Select all that apply.
Response 2020
I have been watching new promotions 10%
I have been watching more of the promotions I already watch 21%
I have been learning about new wrestlers or wrestling characters that I enjoy 17%
I have been watching wrestling in the same way as before 40%
I have been watching less wrestling during the Coronavirus pandemic 33%
submitted by WredditMod to SquaredCircle [link] [comments]

Greed is Subtle

The morning alarm woke up Ghen. With an annoyed sigh, he stretched out his arm and silenced the foul-sounding chirps. Slowly sitting up in bed, he let out a deep yawn and got to his feet.
Running a couple of chitinous fingers along his antennae to stimulate them to life, he made his bed and then went to his closet. Today was a work day, so he needed his suit. Once the pants were on, he stretched out his wings so that he could button up the shirt, then relaxing them once all the buttons were secured.
Dressing for the day was done, now for the morning meal. Entering his kitchen, he took out the chilled leftovers of the evening meal last night and popped it into the radiator, first defrosting and then slightly cooking it.
During that process, he also fished out a ceramic cup and placed it in his brewer, serving himself some synthesized caffeine. His idle thought led him to being amused that, when eaten directly off a plant, it has a concentration that could kill him three times over. But after going through some refinement and roasting, all it does is make him hyper.
Once the meal was put together, his plate of heated leftovers and a cup of almost-piping-hot cup of Xia's, he took his time to enjoy it. His communicator vibrated. When he looked, he found it was from his boss.
"Hello?" Ghen answered.
"Ghen, the meeting's been moved up to a few minutes from now." His boss, Xkik, announced. "Apparently higher up has something important they want to say. We have a terminal ready for you, I'll message the login details."
"Wha-, what's so important?" Ghen asked in bewilderment. "Did a water line rupture or something?"
"No, nothing like that." Xkik replied with a slight chuckle. "It's actually about the rumors we've been hearing. That human corporation wanting to acquire us? That's what they're talking about."
Ghen could feel everything inside his thorax drop to the floor. "That must mean it's true then, right? Did we get sold off by the Queen to this company then?"
"Show up to the meeting and you'll get your answer." Xkik said simply. When he finished, Ghen got the notification on his communicator. There's the login details, allowing him to remotely attend the meeting. "They're about to start, hurry up."
Once Xkik disconnected, Ghen worked fast to login and set up the remote viewing. Once everything was done, his screen started transmitting the meeting room. It was already packed. And off by the main board, he saw his answer. There was a human, resting against the wall on his two legs. Standing right in the center of everyone's view was the coordinator, Tizx, watching the clock periodically.
As soon as the meeting's start time was reached, the coordinator began. "Alright everyone. I realize that this was rather short notice, so I want to say how appreciative I am that you made it. Now then, let's just get right to it. For some time now, many of you have been hearing rumors that a human corporation has been interested in us. Why? We never really knew. We're just an organization responsible for finding, extracting and providing water to the colony here all under the direction of the Queen herself. Well, as of now, I have the answer for you. Why don't I let Ryan say that?"
Stepping back, Tizx motioned for the human, Ryan, to take over. With a nod, Ryan practically bounced over and then took the position. "Good morning to you all. I hope my Zazk is passable, heh. Anyways, the answer to those rumors, is yes. Terran Galactic Company is indeed interested in you all. Which now leads to me. I'm here to announce that, effective yesterday evening, this water company is now a subsidiary of Terran Galactic Company, under the name of Zilia Water Delivery."
Many other sub-coordinators broke into hushed conversation, no doubt speaking their thoughts with each other about this move. Ghen could only wonder if this was even a good thing. What will the humans do? Will he still have his job? Will he have to learn how to deal with the ruthless humans?
"Now, I am well aware this is quite the...uh, change." Ryan continued. "That's why I'm happy to inform you that, no, nothing negative or detrimental will happen to you. You just have new people to answer to. Operations will continue as normal, everybody here will still keep their jobs. The only real change any of you will personally experience is that Coordinator Tizx here will now report to someone else. On behalf of the Terran Galactic Company, we are extremely excited and are looking forward to working with you all. Thank you for your time."
A week later.
At least Ryan wasn't lying. After the initial shock wore off, things went back as they normally did. There were no terminations, no reductions in annual pay or anything. Nothing really changed. At least until this new meeting was called. Ghen was at the worksite this time, so he took his seat and watched as, once again, Ryan led the meeting.
"Hello again, everyone!" He said cheerfully, his Zazk noticeably improved. "I hope I didn't end up looking like a liar, right? Everything's still normal, all that?"
All the zazk in the room confirmed, providing comments to their pleasant surprise as well as lingering thoughts.
"Awesome! Awesome." Ryan said jubilantly, his fleshy mouth revealing his bone-white teeth. "Now then, you're probably wondering why I'm here again, right? Well, I got another fantastic piece of news for you all! Two, actually. I'll start with the first: Zilia Water Delivery has just completed its IPO. The company is now publicly traded!"
Ghen and the others voiced their confusion, having no idea what in the name of the Queen Ryan was talking about. What was Ryan talking about? What's an IPO? And why exactly is being publicly traded such a significant thing?
"Oh, you guys don't know any of that?" Ryan asked in surprised confusion. After everybody confirmed, he let out a quick huff as he began his explanation. "Well, to begin, IPO is short for Initial Public Offering. Basically what that means is that, before today, Zilia was privately held. Only certain individuals could buy and sell shares here. But now that we're public? Literally anyone can buy and sell shares in the company, hence us being publicly traded."
"Uh, what's a share?" Ghen asked, still completely lost.
"Oh, boy..." Ryan muttered under his breath before returning to his peppy image. "To simply put it, a share is short for having a share of ownership in a company. When you buy a share, you're buying a piece of ownership, and when you sell, you're selling that amount."
"So wait...if someone buys a share, they're a co-owner then?" One of the other team coordinators asked.
"If they get enough, yeah." Ryan nodded. "You need a lot though, and that really depends on the company. If I had to give an answer though? I'd say usually you need to have a lot more shares than a lot of people combined to be officially a co-owner, but we call that being a majority shareholder."
"And how do we do that?" Ghen asked, now growing curious but still not understanding why such a concept exists.
"Simple. Buy shares." Ryan said simply. "And that leads into the second piece of awesome news. Zilia's corporate has a product in mind, a premium-package of water delivery. Instead of the usual water that you pump out, filter and ensure its potable before delivery, with the premium package, not only will you get that, but you'll also get all of the required nutrients and vitamins the zazk body requires! And they feel you guys have the best expertise and understanding to pull it off! So, here's what we're offering as a good-faith bonus: A 25% increase to your annual salary as well as being given stock options."
Ghen wasn't sure about the second part, but the salary definitely got his attention, as well as everyone else's. Although his job was considered to have a good pay, Ghen isn't going to say no to a higher salary. In fact, he's been focusing his work on getting a promotion so he can come home with even more credits in pocket.
"What do you mean by stock options?" Ghen asked after some time.
Ryan let out that smile again, the one that revealed his teeth. "If you choose to transfer over to the new group, you'll be provided 50,000 shares in Zilia itself. Why's that awesome? Let me walk you through it. Right now, our last closing price per share was 3.02 credits. And if you have 50,000 shares during that time, you're sitting on 151,000 credits, if you cash it out immediately."
"And why shouldn't we?" One of the coordinators demanded in an ambiguous tone.
"Because the price per share changes a lot." Ryan explained promptly. "When we got done with the IPO? It closed at 2.73 a share. Right now? My money's on the closing price being 2.99 a share. However, we are extremely confident in this premium package being successful. If it does? Well, my bet is that the share price will skyrocket to 3.12 a share. If you hold those shares and the price gets to what my bet was? You'll instead get 156,000 credits. Just by holding onto them, you just made an additional 5,000 credits!"
"And what if we have more shares?" Ghen questioned, now getting excited at the prospect of free money.
"Even more money!" Ryan laughed a bit. "And don't forget about dividends, but that's for another time. The premium group is gearing up right now, we just need the workforce. If any of you wants in, I'll be back tomorrow with all the forms needed to make it official. Take the day and tonight to think it over, yeah?"
Everything else melted into a blur. Ghen was practically on autopilot that whole day. Was this the secret to the humans' incredibly massive economy? How so many of them have amassed so much money out of nowhere? All you had to do was just buy this share out of a company and you get more money without even working?
As soon as he got home, Ghen knew what he was going to do during the night. After feverishly looking through the galnet, now having the human race connected to it, he looked and gathered up as many books that were translated into zazk as he could find, all talking about the human economic system. The last time he undertook such an intensive study was during his primary education phase.
And during his search, he even found forums on the galnet that were completely dedicated to the human's economy. All of them talking about strategies on what company, or stock, to pick. How to analyze a company's performance to determine if it was worth the money, or it had potential to grow over time. And that was when he discovered the humans found another method to the extremely simple buying and selling process. There were humans and some other immigrated aliens who made five times what Ghen could receive over a simple month just by watching the share prices during trading hours, and then buying and selling them at the proper times.
Ghen's mind was just absolutely flabbergasted. He thought it was just some strange concept only aliens could make, but no, not with the humans. They've practically made their economy into an art or a science. No, not even their economy. Everything. If humans can see a way to make money off of it, they'll do it. And if there isn't, they'll look for a way.
Healthcare was monetized. Galnet services, transportation, shopping at the store, they even made all of their utilities into profit-oriented companies.
And it was there that Ghen paused, the realization slamming into him. Everything was monetized. Which means, if you don't have the money for it, you're not getting it. Right? Are the humans truly that ruthless? So obsessed with making money? To the point that they're willing to deprive their own people of the absolute necessities if it's a source of credits?
Ghen let out a scoff. There's no way. Nobody is that cruel and callous. He's never been to the United Nations. He can't rely on what a bunch of random people on the galnet says. He decided that from here on out, he'll only go as far as saying that humans are a little obsessed with credits, nothing more.
...
There he was. Ryan, sitting in the office provided to him. And there was a rather large line leading to him. Looks like word got around. Although, the line wasn't as large as he expected it to be. Maybe the others thought it was just a ruse? That there's no such thing as making free money by spending it on such a made-up concept?
Ghen only knows that, if it is a ruse, it's an extremely elaborate one, where all of the humans are in on it. And he believes that's just extremely ridiculous. At the end, if he's unsure, he'll just take the transfer for the very real increase in his very real salary. And although he spent a very good chunk of the night reading up on how humans do things, he's still going to play it smart. He'll leave his 50,000 shares alone and see where it goes from there.
"Good morning sir." Ryan greeted warmly once Ghen took his seat. "Now, name please?"
"Ghen." He answered, barely keeping his nerves down.
"Alright...and what's your position at this location?" Ryan questioned after scribbling on his form.
"I monitor the pumping stations near the extraction sites." Ghen explained, staying on point. "To be more specific, I check to see if they're in need of maintenance, as well as reading the flow rate that's determined by the calculators installed there. If there's too little for what's needed, I pump out more. And if there's too much, I pull it back a little."
"Nice...and how long have you been doing it for?" Ryan complimented with a nod.
"As of tomorrow, ten years." Ghen replied, voice quickly changing to minor awe once he realized that fact.
"Excellent. Do you have anyone in mind you'd like to replace you here?" Ryan questioned after another scribble. "If you don't have anyone, you're free to say so."
Ghen took a moment to think it over. A bunch of names went through his mind, but one stuck with him. "Tilik. He's just been accepted here, but he's learned quickly. Very attentive and he always catches something subtle. I think he'll do really well in my position, even better actually."
"Tilik, really?" Ryan questioned with a little shock, going through his completed forms. Ghen felt a short sense of panic in him. Did something happen, or was Tilik actually transferring? His answer didn't take long to reveal itself. "Right, Tilik was actually one of the first people to want to transfer here. He's actually requested to be part of the testing teams specifically. Do you have a second choice?"
"Um...no, actually." Ghen replied, feeling a little ashamed. "Tilik was my only choice, to be honest."
"Hey, don't worry." Ryan said assuringly with his hands raised. "Nothing wrong with that. Sometimes, there's just nobody up to snuff, right? 'Kay, so, last question. Is there anything specific you'd like to do when given the transfer?"
"If you need someone monitoring new pumps, I'd be happy to do that." Ghen stated.
"So basically same job but with better payoff, am I right?" Ryan grinned. "I hear you. Sometimes, we're just not paid enough for what we're doing. I know I think that sometimes. Uh, our secret, yeah?"
"Yeah, our secret." Ghen nodded, thinking it'd be better to have friendly relations with the human, just in case.
"Awesome. Back on topic, that's it." Ryan announced, placing the form on his pile. "We'll give you a call when you're accepted."
"Oh, uh, that's it?" Ghen questioned with a shrug in shocked surprise.
"What, expecting a question like, why do you want to transfer?" Ryan chuckled a bit as he leaned in his seat. "You can bullshit all you want, but we both know the answer. Sweet money and stock options. Not saying that's a bad answer of course, just that it's pretty obvious."
"I suppose it is." Ghen commented, realizing the point. "Also, you mentioned this...dividend? Is that for Zilia shares?"
Ryan laughed a little bit before nodding. "Yep, announced before I came here. About 0.43 per share. Want to know why that's awesome? Instead of waiting for the proper price to cash out your shares, now? The company pays you for each share you hold."
"A...Are you serious?" Ghen demanded, flabbergasted.
Ryan nodded with his now-trademark grin. "Dead serious. If you get the transfer, and get those 50,000 shares? A little head math...right, if you hold onto those, in addition to your salary, you'll now annually be paid 21,500 credits, if you keep it at 50,000 shares. Only you can decide to sell or buy shares."
Ghen just stood there silent and motionless, no idea of whether to believe it or not, to which Ryan just laughed. Once he walked out of the room, he managed to snap back to reality. Again, just focus on the very real pay-raise. He'll deal with the other parts later.
After he returned to his spot, he spotted Tizx approaching by his desk. The coordinator seems to be as casual as always.
"I saw you in that line a bit ago, Ghen." He said as he leaned on the desk. "Guess you're really taking that human's word?"
"I mean, I don't know about all this share business or what not." Ghen began with a shrug, his tone sounding a little defensive. "But I mean, having a bigger salary? Course I'm going for it when I can. And if all this magic credits turn out to be real? You realize we can live like the royal servants, right? Get the best cars, the nicest food and all that?"
"I'd be very careful, Ghen." Tizx warned in a sudden shift in tone. "Don't trust those humans. The way they just...obsess over money? Come up with more and more insane ways of getting credits? I don't know, it just makes my wings twitch."
"You think this is a bad idea?" Ghen asked with a little surprise at the change-in-demeanor.
"I think you should be careful, with the humans, and with what you're saying." Tizx replied, straightening his posture. "I wouldn't put it past those Earthmen to backstab you if it gets them a few more credits. And we all know how the royal servants get if any of us lowly commoners start thinking we can break into their circle."
"I hear you, I'll be on my guard, promise." Ghen stated with a nod. With a confirming nod of his own, Tizx returned back to his duty, walking past Ghen's desk.
Several weeks later.
Everything became so much better. Ghen got the transfer. He didn't need to relocate to a new residence either. And after he was walked through into learning how to manage his stock account, and seeing that new form of payment in his hands, he already felt as though he made the best decision. But it was only when he decided to take those shares more seriously that he became privy to what he was given. After receiving the dividend payment, and actually seeing it was real, valid credits after transferring it to his main bank account, all he could describe was the most powerful high he ever felt.
While his first thoughts were to buy himself a royalty-class car, some nicer furnishings for his home, or even a better home entirely, he ended up going the smarter route.
After going back to his stock account, he discovered that Zilia's shares rose to about 3.22 credits in price. Knowing that this was the easiest money he could ever make, he took all of his dividend earnings and bought more shares in Zilia, bringing him to owning 56,891.
And from his new regional coordinator, a human named Dylan, tomorrow is the grand release of the premium package. For just a monthly rate of 14.99 credits, the tap water will now include a sizeable portion of all nutrients and vitamins required in the zazk physiology. Still, Ghen has to admit. He's not entirely sure why anybody would want such a thing, if they'd even go for it. But, as long as he's practically swimming in easy credits, he won't pay much attention to it.
And just like when he was intensively studying the basics of how the human economy worked, he barely got any sleep. His mind was constantly thinking about the things he would buy. Or rather, what other stocks to put his credits into. Even now he can still hardly believe it. Just spend your money on some, make-believe thing and, if you wait long enough and picked the right stock, you'll get more than you spent back?
His mind even wandered onto what human colonies, or even their homeworld, Earth, was like. If everybody was making so much money, what kind of things would they offer? What kind of ridiculous service or product or item can you get? He's even debating on joining some forum and just asking around. Explain how he's new to how humans do things and was wondering what he should expect if he's successful.
By the time he felt like he can go to sleep, the binary-stars of the system were rising from the horizon. After getting out of his bed and changing to clean clothes, his mind returned onto what-ifs.
What if he bought better clothes? He's had his eye on that human brand of luxury clothes, Tessuti di Venezia, that's been all the rage amongst the royal servants. Or maybe he can go on vacation and just check out Earth for real?
It was a short ride to his workplace from his home. After getting stuff his stuff and preparing to walk through the doors, he heard the roar of a car grow louder. When he looked, he saw the sleekest and quite possibly the coolest looking car he's ever seen. Each time the engine revved it would startle him, both from how harsh it sounded as well as just how intense it sounded. And after it parked, he saw the doors pop out and then slide along the body back. And there, he saw Tilik, the seat literally turning and extending out a bit before he got off.
As soon as he saw Ghen staring, he struck a rather prideful pose after putting on his lab coat and then sauntered over to Ghen.
"What do you think?" Tilik said, without any doubt inviting praise or compliments.
"D...Did you actually buy that?" Ghen asked, unable to tear his eyes away from the car.
"You're Queens-damn right I did!" Tilik laughed happily. "Thing takes off like a starship, has temperature-controlled seating, all-in-one center console, barely any bouncing on rough roads. Hoof, best decision I've ever made!"
"How much did that thing cost?" Ghen asked after letting out an incredulous laugh.
"Five million credits." Tilik replied, earning an absolutely shocked stare from Ghen. "And thanks to the incredible salary I have, in addition to all these shares and dividends, I'll pay back the credits I borrowed in no time!"
Ghen needed a few moments before he could speak again. "All I've been doing is buying more shares."
Tilik laughed and then patted the now-envious monitor's back. "Smart man. I got a little carried away, yeah, but not anymore. Any spending credits I got, going right back to investing. That's what it's called right, investing?"
"Yeah, it is." Ghen nodded, feeling a fire light up in his thorax. "And also? Today's the day that the premium water thing is being released. Here's hoping it starts out well, right?"
"Oh it will, trust me." Tilik chuckled as they both began making their way inside the workplace. "Lots of research, lots of study. By the Queen, so much of it...it'll make your head spin."
And after hearing that, Ghen had a moment of realization. "Hey, Tilik? How did you get such a nice position anyways? Weren't you just studying under me before the humans came along?"
Tilik let out a sigh after opening the door. "I'll be honest, I never wanted your job. Not because it's boring or terrible, just...I didn't suffer so many sleepless nights in the science academy just to be a glorified button pusher. This is what I've always wanted. Doing science, solving problems rather than just applying the solution, you know?"
"Wait, you got an academic certificate?" Ghen questioned, completely floored. "How did you end up beneath me then? I should've been answering to you!"
"Simple." Tilik gave a heavier sigh. "A royal servant was asking for the same job I was. Take a guess at who got it."
"Ouch. Good thing the humans came along when they did, yeah?" Ghen was taken aback. He never heard anything about a servant taking a job at his place. "Looks like you're proving yourself to be well suited."
"By the Queen, of course I am." Tilik nodded. "Like I said, I nearly broke my wings through so many nights, got certified top of my class, all just to get pushed to the dirt because someone who was born into a particular family wanted the same thing I did? I know I'm smarter than any of those empty-skull servants back in the Center. I know that, whatever, uh...corporate? Yeah, whatever corporate wants out of science, I will xeek give it to them."
"Well, let me know how things go in the lab." Ghen said, admiring his drive as they neared the main office floor. "Because this is where the button pusher needs to go."
Tilik let out a laugh as he nodded. "Hey, how about we meet up at Queen's Fine Eatery tonight. I'll pay, yeah?"
Ghen, at first, wanted to admonish him for choosing such an outrageously expensive place to go. But he quickly realized that, he truly is good for it, thanks to the humans. "Well, hey, if you're paying for it."
...
It was a fantastic opening. After being told what news sites to keep in mind for stocks, he first heard it from Dylan, and then got more detail on Business Today. There was such a massive demand right from the start that Zilia needs to increase extraction just to meet it. But what really got his attention was the effect it had. Zilia Water Delivery's share price just blasted off. After seemingly holding steady at about 3.15, by the time he got home and logged onto his account, it already reached 7.04 a share. The calculator on his account told him that he got a value-gain of 54.26%.
Never in his entire life had he felt such...joy. With all of the shares he currently has? He's sitting at 400,512.64 credits. He knows that it is woefully pathetic compared to what the royal servants have just in their pockets, but the fact that he has such money, just by owning some intangible concept? Why even work at Zilia? Why doesn't he just sit at home, figure out what companies to invest in and make his money that way?
What's even the point in working a real job, getting a pathetic pay when you can just take the money you have, determine where to spend it, and get triple back? All just sitting on your wings at home, researching?
He was so wrapped up in his excited high that he completely forgot he was going to meet Tilik at Queen's. After quickly and haphazardly putting on his nicer clothes, he got to the place only a few minutes late.
Tilik was there by the guide, no doubt having been waiting for him. As soon as he strode up, Tilik's wings stiffned out some. No doubt he must've seen the numbers as well.
"I can see your wings, Ghen." Tilik began with an excited chuckle. "Made some serious credits?"
Ghen let out an incredulous scoff, struggling to find the words for a moment. "Incredible. All I'm going to say."
"Likewise." Tilik chortled some before nodding to the table guide. "All here. Table please?"
"Right this way, sir." The guide said politely. It was a short walk, travelling between round tables. The vast majority were populated by zazk, but Ghen was surprised at seeing a few humans here as well. No doubt corporate workers checking out the local food. He did spot them having bowls filled with some kind of mass. Some were brown, others white with what looks to be black specks on them.
They arrived at their table. A rather nice one, affording a view out the windows into the busy colony streets. Once Tilik and Ghen settled in, the guide handed out the menus.
"May I suggest our rather popular option for tonight?" The guide began. "Human ice-cream. Ingredients sourced from Earth itself. Very cold, but incredibly sweet, and coming in many flavors. The most popular amongst us is called vanilla-bean. The vanilla itself soaks in the cream for much of the process, and then the innards sprinkled on top of it near the end. Rumor has it that the Queen herself has demanded personal shipments of such a treat straight from the home of vanilla, an island on Earth named Madagascar."
Ghen didn't even spare a single thought. "Vanilla bean ice cream then, please."
"Same." Tilik seconded when the guide glanced to him. With a slight bow, the guide proceeded to ferry their orders to the kitchen. Thankfully it was just a short wait before the guide returned, carrying a large plate containing bowls of ice cream. Ghen could feel the saliva on his mandibles as the bowl was placed before them. He could just feel the cold air around that glistening mass of sugary goodness. The white snow decorated with the black dots of vanilla bean.
Once the guide left them, Tilik and Ghen both dived in at the same time. As soon as the ice cream entered his mouth, touched his tongue, he exploded in incomprehensible bliss. The sweetness, the smooth and creamy mass, even the taste of vanilla he wasn't sure about was just absolutely delightful. It was so overwhelming that his entire body limped, slumping in his seat as he was forced to ride on the surging tide of joy and happiness sweeping over him.
Tilik was no different. He too was taken completely by the effects of the ice cream, his wings fluttering some against the seat. Ghen could hear some noise. It was the humans they passed by. They were chuckling, grinning, and glancing over at them discreetly. Unlike the two zazk, the humans seemingly just enjoyed the ice cream as if it was just another nice dessert to them. Or perhaps they couldn't allow themselves to succumb to the high?
And as soon as the wave of indescribable bliss and happiness subsided, Ghen knew. He just knew. This was the life. He wanted this. The ice cream was just the beginning. So many things denied because he didn't have the credits, or worse, not the blood. Because he was just a drone in the great Collective, even if he had the credits, he wasn't allowed because of what caste he was born in. That fire that sparked in him when he saw Tilik's new car? It exploded into a raging firestorm.
And when looking into Tilik's eyes, Ghen could see the same. He was on the same page as Ghen was. Both of them were sold. They have the credits. And the humans? If you can pay for it, they'll never discriminate. All they cared about is if you have the money.
And by the Queen, Ghen and Tilik will endeavor to amass as much credits as physically possible.
The rest of the night faded into a blur. A blur that evokes only one thing. Bliss. It was only when he walked through the door of his pathetic hut that Ghen's mind snapped back to focus. His mandibles felt sticky. And he felt a weight in his stomach. How much ice cream did he eat? Whatever it was, he ate such volume that the lower-section of his throax extended and rounded out, visible even under his shirt. He felt something odd in his pocket. It was a receipt. 43,000 credits for ten bowls of vanilla bean ice cream. Was that ten bowls for both of them? Or individually? Ghen didn't care. He's good for it.
Returning back to his calculator, he acted upon the decision that he had made at that eatery. He's acquiring as many books about investing and stock trading as he could find, frequent and study all the discussions and arguments presented by other like-minded individuals such as he, all to ensure he can live the good life. And he had a very good feeling Tilik was doing the exact same thing.
Well, first, the gurgling in his stomach, as well as the feeling of something rising demanded his attention. Looks like he'll need to take the night off to let his stomach get back to normal.
Three Years Later.
Ghen looked out beyond the horizon, seeing the colony that he grew up in. On the far side was where his old house was. With only a simple robe on, made from the finest silk from Earth's nation-state of China, he relaxed in his seat.
It was a long road. Stockpiling credits from pre-existing investments and from subsequent pays, he and Tilik made it. From having only half a million in assets and cash, now transformed to over eight-hundred million. And now, his call contracts on American Interstellar? They've just announced a breakthrough in their next generation of warp drives, reducing the speed coefficient even further, resulting in far faster travel. And with that, their stock price climbed sharply.
Another hundred million credits in the bank. Soon, very soon, he and Tilik are about to become the galaxy's first zazk billionares. But that's not enough. There are many humans who are billionares. Only those he can count on one hand are considered trillionares. He's going to break into that circle. He and Tilik.
Looking beyond the colony, he saw the abandoned building of the workplace he transferred to when the humans arrived. Turns out, the reason for such a high demand was that the humans also slipped in sugar to the tap water. As soon as that broke, many influential royal servants demanded investigations and outright banning of Terran Galactic Company's influence over the former government division. Zilia's stock price plummeted. But thanks to an advance tip from his human coordinator, Dylan, he and Tilik made a put contract. And that's where they struck gold, as the human saying goes.
Dylan warned that if they were citizens of the United Nations, they'd be investigated and convicted for insider trading. But, since they weren't, and the Collective were only just introduced to capitalism, there's no risk at all. Now the colony is going through a withdrawal phase, Zilia has been dissolved and reformed back as a government division and are currently at work re-establishing the standard, plain water delivery.
"Well, shit." Tilik muttered as he walked up to Ghen's side, taking well to human speech. "Looks like you win. American Interstellar's announcement really was a good thing. There goes a million credits. Ah well, the Royal Shipyards will make it back for me soon."
"Oh? Did they just go corporate?" Ghen asked curiously, glancing to Tilik.
"Hell yeah they did." Tilik chuckled, sitting down. "Queen and her retard servants fought it hard, but Royal Shipyards is now officially a human-style corporation. And, to a surprise to all the xenophobes in the galaxy, they're already being offered contracts for ship production. That'll raise the stock price pretty good."
"What's that human word...?" Ghen muttered, already having a reply in mind. "Dick? Yeah, calls or suck my dick, Tilik."
Tilik roared in laughter. "Already made them. Forty credits a share by this day next month."
"I have half a mind to go thirty." Ghen chuckled. "Either way, until then, I heard from Dylan that he knows a guy who knows several prime human women who happen to be into zazk."
"You're interested in women?" Tilik said as his wings fluttered. "With how often you tell me to suck you off, I'd have thought differently."
"Oh, I always thought it was you who was into men." Ghen responded dryly. "Just wanted to be a good friend, you know? Considering how you never seem to make it past, Hey sweet thing, I'm rich you know."
"Oh, go fuck yourself." Tilik countered with a little laugh. After he stopped, wings stiffened, he looked to Ghen. "So, know any royal servants we can put the squeeze on for more revenue streams?"
"I got just the one." Ghen nodded, sitting up. "Fzik. He's been fighting to control the ice cream trade. Worried it's a corrupting influence. Got done talking with the human CEO of Nestle earlier. If we clear the way, he'll know how to squeeze a little more gains in stock price when he makes the announcement."
Tilik's wings stiffened even more, signaling his approval. "Alright, time to throw some credits around, yeah?"
AN: Sorry for the period of no updates. College is starting up, lots of stuff to clear and work out. Not sure why but I just got a bug up my butt about incorporating money and the stock market into a short. Here it is. Sorry if it seems abrupt, character limit fast approaching. Let me know how you guys think about it!
submitted by SynthoStellar to HFY [link] [comments]

Gridcoin 5.0.0.0-Mandatory "Fern" Release

https://github.com/gridcoin-community/Gridcoin-Research/releases/tag/5.0.0.0
Finally! After over ten months of development and testing, "Fern" has arrived! This is a whopper. 240 pull requests merged. Essentially a complete rewrite that was started with the scraper (the "neural net" rewrite) in "Denise" has now been completed. Practically the ENTIRE Gridcoin specific codebase resting on top of the vanilla Bitcoin/Peercoin/Blackcoin vanilla PoS code has been rewritten. This removes the team requirement at last (see below), although there are many other important improvements besides that.
Fern was a monumental undertaking. We had to encode all of the old rules active for the v10 block protocol in new code and ensure that the new code was 100% compatible. This had to be done in such a way as to clear out all of the old spaghetti and ring-fence it with tightly controlled class implementations. We then wrote an entirely new, simplified ruleset for research rewards and reengineered contracts (which includes beacon management, polls, and voting) using properly classed code. The fundamentals of Gridcoin with this release are now on a very sound and maintainable footing, and the developers believe the codebase as updated here will serve as the fundamental basis for Gridcoin's future roadmap.
We have been testing this for MONTHS on testnet in various stages. The v10 (legacy) compatibility code has been running on testnet continuously as it was developed to ensure compatibility with existing nodes. During the last few months, we have done two private testnet forks and then the full public testnet testing for v11 code (the new protocol which is what Fern implements). The developers have also been running non-staking "sentinel" nodes on mainnet with this code to verify that the consensus rules are problem-free for the legacy compatibility code on the broader mainnet. We believe this amount of testing is going to result in a smooth rollout.
Given the amount of changes in Fern, I am presenting TWO changelogs below. One is high level, which summarizes the most significant changes in the protocol. The second changelog is the detailed one in the usual format, and gives you an inkling of the size of this release.

Highlights

Protocol

Note that the protocol changes will not become active until we cross the hard-fork transition height to v11, which has been set at 2053000. Given current average block spacing, this should happen around October 4, about one month from now.
Note that to get all of the beacons in the network on the new protocol, we are requiring ALL beacons to be validated. A two week (14 day) grace period is provided by the code, starting at the time of the transition height, for people currently holding a beacon to validate the beacon and prevent it from expiring. That means that EVERY CRUNCHER must advertise and validate their beacon AFTER the v11 transition (around Oct 4th) and BEFORE October 18th (or more precisely, 14 days from the actual date of the v11 transition). If you do not advertise and validate your beacon by this time, your beacon will expire and you will stop earning research rewards until you advertise and validate a new beacon. This process has been made much easier by a brand new beacon "wizard" that helps manage beacon advertisements and renewals. Once a beacon has been validated and is a v11 protocol beacon, the normal 180 day expiration rules apply. Note, however, that the 180 day expiration on research rewards has been removed with the Fern update. This means that while your beacon might expire after 180 days, your earned research rewards will be retained and can be claimed by advertising a beacon with the same CPID and going through the validation process again. In other words, you do not lose any earned research rewards if you do not stake a block within 180 days and keep your beacon up-to-date.
The transition height is also when the team requirement will be relaxed for the network.

GUI

Besides the beacon wizard, there are a number of improvements to the GUI, including new UI transaction types (and icons) for staking the superblock, sidestake sends, beacon advertisement, voting, poll creation, and transactions with a message. The main screen has been revamped with a better summary section, and better status icons. Several changes under the hood have improved GUI performance. And finally, the diagnostics have been revamped.

Blockchain

The wallet sync speed has been DRASTICALLY improved. A decent machine with a good network connection should be able to sync the entire mainnet blockchain in less than 4 hours. A fast machine with a really fast network connection and a good SSD can do it in about 2.5 hours. One of our goals was to reduce or eliminate the reliance on snapshots for mainnet, and I think we have accomplished that goal with the new sync speed. We have also streamlined the in-memory structures for the blockchain which shaves some memory use.
There are so many goodies here it is hard to summarize them all.
I would like to thank all of the contributors to this release, but especially thank @cyrossignol, whose incredible contributions formed the backbone of this release. I would also like to pay special thanks to @barton2526, @caraka, and @Quezacoatl1, who tirelessly helped during the testing and polishing phase on testnet with testing and repeated builds for all architectures.
The developers are proud to present this release to the community and we believe this represents the starting point for a true renaissance for Gridcoin!

Summary Changelog

Accrual

Changed

Most significantly, nodes calculate research rewards directly from the magnitudes in EACH superblock between stakes instead of using a two- or three- point average based on a CPID's current magnitude and the magnitude for the CPID when it last staked. For those long-timers in the community, this has been referred to as "Superblock Windows," and was first done in proof-of-concept form by @denravonska.

Removed

Beacons

Added

Changed

Removed

Unaltered

As a reminder:

Superblocks

Added

Changed

Removed

Voting

Added

Changed

Removed

Detailed Changelog

[5.0.0.0] 2020-09-03, mandatory, "Fern"

Added

Changed

Removed

Fixed

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Top 10 Binary Option Brokers

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